Lousy bosses really get to me. (Or so I've been indirectly told by my colleagues. They say how upset I feel shows on my face.)

Even though I don't feel particularly irked or frustrated by unreasonable demands. There isn't a particularly strong feeling, no... No blood pounding in my head.... No true heat in my words. No...its not really like that.

But I'm told that it shows on my face. (Even though I swear that I'm just zoning out.)

So I guess Rohana knew how much I didn't like her. Even if it was never voiced. Even if it was hidden behind politeness.

But maybe it was because I never told her how much I didn't like the fact that she ignored me, gave me the cold shoulder despite my best efforts at cordiality, and started disliking me just because I kept asking her whenever I wasn't sure if I was doing the job right.

Well, whatever. Even today, I can't let go of this irritation. I'm not a very magnimous person, am I?

I guess I am a bitch deep down inside. I just pretend not to be one. Call it hypocrisy. Call it what you want. I've admitted to being a bitch. Being called a hypocrite won't hurt me much more. (Although it DOES hurt a little la. I mean... I want to be well-liked, popular, and perfect, you know.)

Well, being a bitch doesn't mean that I don't want to change... So, I'll keep working on being better.

So that maybe one day, I can be like a guy. (Its true la. Argue as much as you want, but guys forgive and forget much more easily that we catty females.)

When that day comes, I hope I'll be able to go up to Rohana and the many other horrid bosses that have come my way and give them a sincere hug.

Till that day comes, though, I'll be content with dreams of me making it big (like maybe becoming the Empress of Singapore or becoming their BIG BOSS so that I can order THEM around and send them on inane errands for once.)

*mwahahahahahahah* I ALREADY warned you I was evil, didn't I? *wink*

I think I can safely say that Amanda is the friend I've known for the longest time.

We go way back. (I feel like some war veteran)

The strangest thing is that, we've never managed to be in the same school, try as we might.
So, the last time I was able to sit next to her in a classroom and talk rubbish about teachers looking like roly-poly teddy bears was in OLGC.

We both wanted to go to RGS. I missed it by 3 points. hahhaa.... so, she went to RGS, while I went to NY.
In JC, I stupidly clicked the wrong option. HC(science) instead of HC(arts). Ended up in my second choice, RJ(arts), while she went to HC(science).
Now, she wants to go to NUS(Law). I want to go to NTU(comm studies).

Strangely, though our paths keep diverging, we've managed to stay friends. We may not be the closest of friends, but everytime we meet, I can feel that old warmth again. You know, that warm fuzzy kind of feeling when two friends are in perfect understanding? When we come together to talk about "old times". (Now I feel like I'm in an old folks' home)

Somehow, I think it all worked out for the best.

Although we didn't really want to admit it, there was a sort of unspoken rivalry between the two of us. It was not much of a competition, I must admit. She was so much better than me at lotsa things. Its kinda like me and Xueni.

I think that used to sour our friendship. It was my problem, of course. I was very jealous of her. She was prettier, slimmer, smarter and infinitely more popular than I could ever hope to be.

hahaha.. Do you sometimes get the feeling that you've never really grown up even after all these years? I do. I feel that I've never really changed since primary school. Still as childish, immature, and inconsiderate of others' feelings.

So, I thank You, God, for doing what You think is best for me even though I might have wanted otherwise.

Thank You for bringing Amanda and all my other friends into my life.

But most of all, I thank You that Amanda and Xueni don't know my blog address. I don't think they ever knew how I felt sometimes. And I don't think they ever will.

After all, some things should be better left unsaid.

Which X-man do you wanna be?

My brother wants to be Pyro. (He's got this thing for guys who can project great blasts of fire from their palms. It all started after he watched a japanese cartoon called "Flame of Recca". The Japanese again. sigh. Karen and Mel know how I feel about this, so we shall not dwell on that anymore.)

I'm torn between Nightcrawler (check out the cute accent and the cool teleporting) and Mystique (droooool).
My brother thought I wanted to be either Professor X or Magneto. (WHAT THE HECK??? Really bruised my ego. Does he actually think I aspire to be senile old men???? One sits an a wheelchair while the other wears some crappy helmet. sigh. Does he really see me as such a NERD?)

When I was about 6 or 7 (I think its about there coz we were still living in Colchester Grove then) I used to like this yellow robot whose power was to summon this seven-coloured rainbow (qi1 se4 cai3 hong2). He kept saving the world.
My brother and I would bring out the mattress and take turns at being the robot and the bad guy.

Strange how I've changed.
Now, I like these characters because of how cool they look, because of how well they fight.
And I don't particularly WANT to be them, come to think of it. I just find them cool
.
These days, I don't want to be a superhero. I don't want to save the world, I don't want to help everyone.

I can't even help my own mom.
I can't save my mom from the guilt she feels. (I know she regrets what she did.)

But I can't bring myself to forget what she did, even though I've resolved to do that. I don't know if its because I have limited powers, or if its because I'm a "bad guy" bent on tormenting the estranged hero.

I know that I shouldn't be asking for forgiveness when I cannot forget your wrongdoings.

But mom, please forgive me for all the times I yelled at you and showed you disrespect. I never did voice the fact that I despised what you did, but it must have showed.

I'm sorry. I know you are too.

I don't know if what I feel for you is love. But if it is, its a really difficult emotion to feel. Nothing like what the stupid shows make you think its like.

I don't think I want to fall in love with anyone but my family. Don't think my heart's big enough for that.

I've known Siwen since..... sec 1. From the day I had to return her picture to her because her eyes were closed when the photographer took the shot. (hahaha!! GOONDOO!)
I admit, I was scared of talking to her at first. Because she looked like this chinese comedian. That very loud and noisy woman that always stars in those Hong Kong comedies.

That makes us friends for...... (i hate math) more than 6 years.

Boy, does time fly.

Even then, I feel that I've only just begun to know her. What she likes (bright, clashing colours), how she behaves (boisterous and goondoo) how she feels (this is tough.... coz beneath her happy-go-lucky, laugh-at-everything exterior, there is so much more.. )

I just met up with her for a movie. X men. I love the way she bursts out in laughter at the weirdest moments. Its nice to know that you aren't the only person who gets people laughing at your laughter more than at the joke you just told.

She always has these CRAZY wacky ideas...... Like setting up a cooking class at my friend's house, and thinking of a name for it. (SSG which stands for Stefanie, Siwen and Grace and also Sexy Singapore Girls.)

( -_______- ;)

There's this funny way that me and Siwen click. Even though I think that we're quite different. ( For example, I'm a slut, and she's not. And also coz she's 10000 times crazier than I am.)

I just seem to be able to tell her things. Things I'd find telling others about REALLY difficult.

Maybe its coz we both had similar experiences. But, it was probably much more difficult for her.
Or maybe its coz I'm so sure that she'll never "reject" me as a friend even after she knows all the horrid stuff I think about or do.

sigh. I know that its selfish, but I'm really glad that you're not going overseas. :)