I never know how to react to tissue sellers, especially the old indian woman at the traffic junction opposite Heeren, a certain old man at the bus interchange near my place who sits on this green mat with all sorts of weird stuff displayed in front of him and some beggars one occasionally sees along the street.

Its even worse when they're old.

Maybe because they seem so out of place. And maybe because I come across them so rarely that once confronted by them, I'm always at a loss as to what to do or how to feel. Or maybe its because I've been told so many times not to give them money.

Most of the time, people would look at them, pitying them. Or walk away, eyes down, pretending that they've just seen something gross.

I don't like either reaction. Pitying them always makes them seem as though they're lesser beings. Like they lack humanity. Like they are poor unfortunate souls.

On the other hand, pretending not to see them is our way with dealing with people/things that don't belong in our world, people/things that we don't encounter in our own lives, the denial that they are part of our society.

But the problem is that they DO exist, and they're very much part of your world and mine. How do we turn a blind eye to their suffering? How can we?

I don't think that selling tissue/begging is their idea of a good career, and I don't think that they CHOSE to do this. They probably can't find jobs, or they don't have children to support them...

Watching them makes me feel sad. How lonely they must be. How tired they must be.

Yet, who am I to judge? They may be happy, contented individuals under that destitute exterior. They may be satisfied with their way of life. Until someone like me casts them a pitying eye. Until someone like me patronizes them, and sees them as pathetic creatures.

Sigh. I don't know how to react to them. Probably never will, unless I were to become one of them. When I have mats of my own to unfold, when I have packets of tissue to sell irate food centre patrons, and big red plastic bags of junk to drag around.

I don't like quarrelling with people. Which is why I'm usually quite amicable and tolerant. But, if there's anything that will shatter this status quo, its if someone really steps over the limit.

Or if I get carried away.

You see, I always have to be right. And the other party must always agree that I'm right. So when the person I'm fighting with is my brother, things get really ugly. Yesterday, I fought with my brother. The details of the fight aren't important now. (All you guys need to know is that I'm in the right. My brother was REALLY unreasonable.)

I want to make up, and I want things to be back to normal. But as long as my brother doesn't apologize first, I'm going to be mean and petty and irritable. Well, who asked him to be unreasonable. So, basically we're having a cold war. Its not like we're not talking, but usually I bug him lots and chatter away like some noisy chipmunk that cannot shut up. So, when it changes from that to only a few curt phrases, its definitely odd. At least for me. He could be enjoying it for all I know.

Its kinda sad, since I'm too stubborn to make the first move. But I have this awful feeling that I'm the only one who cares that things between us are so rotten.

Just like I was the only one to cry when he left the house after yelling at me from the corridor even though I was literally begging him not to go.

Of course, I didn't cry in front of him. That's so uncool. Plus, I stopped really quickly. There's only so much of a loser even I can bear to be.

Well, I'm not apologizing, and I'm not going to be nice first. Coz I'm really pissed off this time. hmph.

Ok la. If we get by without quarrelling tomorrow, I'll be nice and stupid in front of him again. At best, its because I'm a forgiving and understanding sister. But to put it more crudely (and also more truthfully), I miss being a big goondoo around him too much. (Sigh. I'm such a lousy pushover.)

My ass is still half-cooked from sitting on top of the engine of that double-decker SBS bus.

It was almost well-done at the end of my 40 minute long bus journey, but I gave it some time to cool off during the walk home, so now its just half-cooked.

If you're wondering why I did such a stupid thing, I did not CHOOSE to sit there, of course. But I saw an old Indian man coming towards me, wanting to sit in the (literally) hot seat. So, being the kind soul I am, I decided to move in so that the poor guy would be able to enjoy his ride and also so that he wouldn't have to squeeze past me to get into the seat.

Boy, did I regret it.

Not only did the ungrateful bloke shuffle around in the seat I kindly vacated for him-because it was slightly hot- he even kept looking sideways at me thinking that it was me that the HEAT was radiating from. tsk.

Kindness doesn't pay these days.

SBS buses are weird things. Its either you're freezing your ass off, or you're having it slowly steamed to perfection.
I swear that everytime the bus braked, there was this heatwave that came from beneath.

I guess I shouldn't complain. I've heard that switching from a hot environment to a cold one and back again is good for your blood circulation. Now that I think of it, the blood at my ass seems to be circulating much better.

So, forget that OSIM massage chair you were thinking of. Make the smart choice; make Elysa's choice. Choose SBS.

What's the difference between a friend and an acquaintance?

You have so many acquaintances, but so few friends. And the lines between the two keep blurring. Someone might be your acquaintance now, but at a different point of your life, the same person might become an acquaintance.

I don't know. Probably never will. But I love all of you. Thanks for being my friends at one point or another.

Come to think of it...... All of you are my friends. Time and distance probably trick the mind into believing otherwise.

Its just like background music. Its there all the while, but one's too busy, too occupied with one's small little life and petty concerns that one doesn't hear it.

If you concentrate hard enough........ you'll hear it above the mindless chatter, the roar of the traffic as it passes you by, and the shuffling of the person next to you.

I love my friends. Thanks for always being there. Sorry if sometimes I don't seem to be able to hear you, sorry if sometimes I seem to be too busy for you. You are the most beautiful tunes I know.

I've just realised how much having a brother is like having one of those intelligent home places. You know, those kinds of apartments with all those new-fangled gadgets you only get to see in the movies, where you walk into the house and say: "Lights!" and the lights would miraculously come on.

Well, maybe having a brother is not exactly like that... but it certainly comes close.

For example, when you're in that limbo of semi-consciousness and drifting in and out of sleep just before you actually fall asleep, but you're vaguely conscious of the light in your room still being turned on, but try as you might, you just can't seem to even lift an arm, not to mention dragging your tired ass out of bed to turn off the damn light.... all you have to do in Elysa's wonderful world of brother-torture is mumble: "Hans....." and this boy will obediently trot over to your room and turn off the light for you. Without complaint. :) How cool is that?

Another example: When you're sitting too far from the TV, and you're sick of watching the same ol' adverts coming on in the middle of the show, what do you do? You yell out the channel you want to watch, and the boy sitting at the computer will reach over and change the channel for you.

Not convinced? How about this: The newspaper lady has come for the newspaper money again, and you're busy checking your mail. What do you do? Just say: "Hans, newspaper lady's downstairs" and he will handle the payment for you.

Having a brother rocks. I feel like sylvester stallone in that show... have you heard of Demolition Man? :) If you haven't, its set in 2050, where everything's supposed to be voice-activated.

Of course, Hans hasn't been trained to that standard yet, but its all a matter of time.... all just a matter of time......
*does that intertwining fingers thing with the evil eye expression*

By the way, my dear fans... thank you for all your fan mail. Your support means so much to me. Without you, this would never have been possible. Thank you! Thank you!
*blows kisses while my eyes fill with tears of gratitude*

whahhaahahaha...........................

Anyway, for those who are interested, I brought my mom to a restaurant of her choice, had Thai food. Very simple thing this year. Coz the stupid fat-arsed bugger (my brother) wouldn't cooperate. He even stayed over at a friend's place so we couldn't plan a thing. Hope everyone else had a good Mothers' day.