Mulan

There are nights I miss you terribly. I miss you when I see fathers with their daughters.

I dream of tiny dancers, sunshine smiles and yellow dresses.

Her dad told her: "Sometimes, the last flower to bloom is the most beautiful"; I wish you were still here to tell me things like these.

But I will throw myself into the arms of a Father who is more than able to take care of me on your behalf.

I'm ok, Daddy. Our Daddy is taking care of me. Xiu Xiu said that she saw me sitting on God's knee.

I'll see you soon, and we will both be embraced by the God whom we both love so much, and I'll finally be home.

Rainbows

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, for lovers, for dreamers, for me.

Has it been too long since I last blogged? I find myself in a position that I am not used to - I am lost for words.

There is so much I want to say to You. Thank You. I love You. You are wonderful, wonderful to me. But words fail. I am bewildered, in awe, speechless.

Where do I begin? It started with a conversation.

We asked: "Would you genetically engineer your unborn child if he/she were diagnosed with Down Syndrome?"

I would have.

I do not hope for a great life. Just a normal one will do. And that is also the dream I would have for my child.

But as I was reminded through a little girl's words tonight: "It's not what I want, but what God wants."

In the light of tragedy and personal pain, it is hard to remember that we have a good God.

But You are good, whether I remember it or not.

As the sepia stage lights fade, I almost hear Your voice: "Each cut in the diamond reflects the rainbows within."

It was so for the Chinese songwriter, it was so for Nick and it will be so for me, if only I let You do Your work in me.

Your rainbows are promises.