Which X-man do you wanna be?

My brother wants to be Pyro. (He's got this thing for guys who can project great blasts of fire from their palms. It all started after he watched a japanese cartoon called "Flame of Recca". The Japanese again. sigh. Karen and Mel know how I feel about this, so we shall not dwell on that anymore.)

I'm torn between Nightcrawler (check out the cute accent and the cool teleporting) and Mystique (droooool).
My brother thought I wanted to be either Professor X or Magneto. (WHAT THE HECK??? Really bruised my ego. Does he actually think I aspire to be senile old men???? One sits an a wheelchair while the other wears some crappy helmet. sigh. Does he really see me as such a NERD?)

When I was about 6 or 7 (I think its about there coz we were still living in Colchester Grove then) I used to like this yellow robot whose power was to summon this seven-coloured rainbow (qi1 se4 cai3 hong2). He kept saving the world.
My brother and I would bring out the mattress and take turns at being the robot and the bad guy.

Strange how I've changed.
Now, I like these characters because of how cool they look, because of how well they fight.
And I don't particularly WANT to be them, come to think of it. I just find them cool
.
These days, I don't want to be a superhero. I don't want to save the world, I don't want to help everyone.

I can't even help my own mom.
I can't save my mom from the guilt she feels. (I know she regrets what she did.)

But I can't bring myself to forget what she did, even though I've resolved to do that. I don't know if its because I have limited powers, or if its because I'm a "bad guy" bent on tormenting the estranged hero.

I know that I shouldn't be asking for forgiveness when I cannot forget your wrongdoings.

But mom, please forgive me for all the times I yelled at you and showed you disrespect. I never did voice the fact that I despised what you did, but it must have showed.

I'm sorry. I know you are too.

I don't know if what I feel for you is love. But if it is, its a really difficult emotion to feel. Nothing like what the stupid shows make you think its like.

I don't think I want to fall in love with anyone but my family. Don't think my heart's big enough for that.