I Can't Understand God

Why do You love me when You know the heartache loving me will cause?
I want to call You mad, but I can't bring myself to.
Not when I know that all You did, You did for me.

Why do You see my relationship with You as so important? Important enough to let Your son die for me?
Are we worth it?
How can we be worth it?
And the thing that gets me is that, if You had to choose all over again, You'd still choose to save us.

I can't understand. I just can't.

Where are You? I want to talk to You.

Where are You? I want to know why.

Why is it I cry when I tell other people the story of Never Let Me Go, but I don't cry when I tell other people Your story?

How could You condone it?

How could You not be angry with me for it?

It's times like these that I really love You. And it's also times like these that I really hate You.

Why did You give me my daddy only to take him away?

Now when I want answers, I can't get any.

Not from him, not from You.

God, please talk to me now. I miss You so bad.

Is a painful love with me better than not having anyone to love?
Is the hope of a repaired relationship with me better than just being by Yourself?

You're either mad, or You're God.
How's it that I always come back to the same conclusion?
I cannot deny that You're God.
This can't be the work of a madman.

I still can't understand You.
I want an eternity of getting to understand You.
Please let me go to heaven, I want to hear You explain everything to me.

We Were At A Coffee Shop

Today, we were at a coffee shop. To kill time, we started talking about relationships.

How do you know someone likes you?

K: "You will know one."
M: "..."
E: "His friends will tell you."

When I could find time to be alone with myself, I was wondering: "What if both of you like each other, but both are too shy to even tell anyone?"

I have a thing for "What could have been" stories.

Go read Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro.

On Friendship

We were strangers.

Then, friends of the same friend.

Aquaintances.

We had a few talks, a few jokes.

Awkward at first.

There were things we didn't talk about. Couldn't talk about. Wouldn't talk about.

A few more discussions about nothing in particular.

Then...

Before I knew it, you'd worked your way into my heart.

Not best friends yet.

But getting there.





When does love creep into a relationship?