Moon in the morning

There was a moon in the morning - a sight I rarely see, but one that always fills me with a mixture of awe and assurance. So often, we forget that something is there because we do not see it.
So it is with the indelible mark a teacher leaves on our hearts.

Today, I saw my teachers again.
Mrs Seah, I saw as she turned to smile at a colleague. Miss Sam, as she was walking to a sharing session on teaching mathematics.
In that instant gasp of surprise and joy, I am turned once again into that awkward teen who was loved by her teachers nonetheless. Even if she was the quiet one in class. And even if she couldn't do Integration. Or differentiation. Or draw a nice graph.

They remember my name and the names of my friends, the way we were in school; and they think of us often, wondering how we are right now.


In the smiles and the hugs and the catching up, there is so much I want to say, but can't.

"Why did you become a teacher?"
"Oh, because I think it's meaningful."

Overwhelmed by the blinding light of self-confidence, and in the heat of the day, we forget the pull of a quiet teacher's wise words, warm hugs, and patient counsel on the ebb and flow of our preoccupations and plans.
We go on to take to the sky, doing things we never thought we would achieve, breaking records, living out dreams.
But there is an invisible bond, tethering us to them, keeping us grounded even as we soar.

"Why did you become a teacher?"
It was because of you.

When Jesus heard this, he said to him, "One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me." (Luke 18:22 ESV)

OK, then. This is it.

I'm quivering slightly with the finality of it. With the certainty of it. With a trepidation and fear and excitement and wonder that only You give. Not my ways but Yours, my King.
Don't worry about the judgment, the comments, the battles that will come.

For now, Lord, You know what I can bear. Help me walk to You.

Sunday blues

But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:30-34 ESV)

Had two conversations about anxiety over this weekend. One with Vicks, the other with Siwen.
I encourage then suitably, quoting the oft-quoted verse from Philippians: "Do not be anxious about anything..." You know the drill. Then Xiao Ben sends us a reminder: My ways are higher than yours. So, I thank him for the reminder and I think that's done with, until I do my quiet time and You come again, in that way You always do.

Now I'm confused. Was it me You were trying to teach?

I see the connections only now. It had taken three reminders but only till I sit with You does Your voice really become audible.

And even now, I hear You, but I'm like... Ok, sure, I get it. You love me and will provide for me. Cool. But I don't see how that relates. I haven't been particularly anxious. Well, perhaps about saving up for school, and about whether I will be that socially-awkward unmarried auntie. But ok, if that's what You want, here You go. Take the worries, help me to put them completely in Your hands, not worrying or being anxious, but delighting in walking each day with You.

Thanks for wanting to carry every single thing for me. I love You. Here is Your new song.

You tell me not to worry about tomorrow,
You say You know exactly what I need
Yet there are times I find myself wondering
If things will work out eventually

But once again when I settle down at Your feet
You come with the same message
As though afraid that I'd never see
How great Your love is for me

I'm defensive - I ask if You think I am anxious, if I don't trust You
No, all You wanted was to reassure me
That You know all Your plans for me
That Your ways are higher than mine
That You love me with an everlasting love
And You'll prepare the way for me.

My Father will meet all my needs